i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
