Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
