He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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