You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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