just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
