We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
