Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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