If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
