Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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