i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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