I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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