I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
