I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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