Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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