i just google imaged poop.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
