Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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