I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
