I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
