I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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