i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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