remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
