Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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