Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
