I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
