I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
