I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
