she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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