I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
