i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
