I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
