Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
