Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
