Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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