glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
