Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
