I just threw up on my dentist
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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