he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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