Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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