After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize