so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
