in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
