That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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