Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
