When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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