I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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