So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
