Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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