K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think my vagina is haunted
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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