nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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