ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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