come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
