So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
