Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone came in the potted fern
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
