her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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