i need an iv and a liver transplant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
