I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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