I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
