he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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