i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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