Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
