Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
