if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
