Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
