Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
