We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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