This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
