Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
