4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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