WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
