apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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