Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
