do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
