I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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