Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
