i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I want is dick and wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
